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You're Nobody's Producer

The glow of the old school CRT monitor cast an almost sacred light on our faces, and later the Philips TV, the screen for a digital aurora in the box-room. I remember the specific thrum of the PlayStation, the click of its disc drive, and the rhythmic, almost hypnotic sequence of button presses as I meticulously layered beats and melodies. This was for his GCSE music project, a task he’d presented with a shrug and an almost imperceptible plea for help. He didn't do or say much; he rarely did. He just sat there, knees pulled up to his chest on the floor, watching me, a silent, still observer as I sculpted a rudimentary track from the limited palette of a late 90s music creation game. His presence was like a barely perceptible hum in the room, a quiet witness to the genesis of something out of nothing. I remember thinking, in that precise moment, that he was involved. Not creatively, not actively, but his quiet watchfulness, his unblinking gaze, felt like a silent endorsement, a gr...

It Was Fantastic

Young Timmy and Tommy were on the playground together, swinging and sliding and chasing each other around. At one point, while on the swings, Timmy turned to Tommy with a mischievous grin on his face.

"Hey Tommy, wanna hear a funny song I made up!" Timmy exclaimed.

Tommy stopped swinging and looked at his friend curiously. "Suuure, what is it?"

Timmy smirked and began swinging in time, singing in a mocking version of the Ace of Base hit:

"I shagged your mum! She opened up her legs... I saw her bum! It was fantastic... Her fanny was made of elastic!"

Tommy's eyes went wide and he stopped dead in his tracks. A confused expression crossed his face as he processed the crude lyrics.



"Wh-whaaat? Why did you just say that, Timmy? About my mum?!"

"Oh c'mon, don't take it so serious, it's just a joke!" Timmy laughed. "Besides, it's only a made-up song!"

But Tommy didn't find it funny at all. His face reddened with anger and embarrassment.

"It's not a joke, you idiot! Don't ever talk about my mum that way again!" Tommy yelled. "Forget it, I'm going home".

And with that, he stormed off the playground, leaving a puzzled Timmy on the swings, having no idea why his friend got so upset.

Later that day, Tommy confronted his mother about it, tears welling in his eyes. "Mum, you... you let Timmy do what?!" he sobbed out.

His mother looked at him, alarmed. "What are you talking about, sweetie? What about Timmy?"

"He made up this disgusting song about you! I shagged your mum she opened up her legs I saw her bum it was fantastic her fanny was made of elastic! How could you let him say that about you?! It's so gross and dirty!"

Tommy's mom went pale. She sat down heavily and pulled her son into her arms, trying to calm him. "Oh honey, that's not true, I promise. Timmy just made up those awful words as a joke. I would never in my life let someone talk about me like that! He's just a bratty little boy who shouldn't be saying such things".

Tommy sniffled and buried his face in his mother's chest. "You really mean it? He totally lied about shagging you? He's such a jerk!"

"I really mean it, sweetie. Timmy said a lot of mean, made-up things that aren't true. I would never do what he said. But I think he needs to learn it's not okay to say those kinds of crude things, especially about someone's mother! We'll talk to him together tomorrow, alright?"

"Okay", Tommy replied, still upset but feeling a bit better. "I hate him, I never want to see him again!"

"Now now, there's no need for hate", his mom gently chided. "But I agree he owes you a big apology. It's best if you avoid him for now though. You don't need to deal with someone who would disrespect you and your family like that".

Tommy nodded. He was still angry at Timmy, but felt better knowing the awful song wasn't true. His mom would never really let someone say such things about her!

The next day, Tommy gave Timmy a wide berth at school, refusing to even look at him. Timmy tried to apologise, but Tommy was having none of it.

"I'm sorry man, I was just messing around, I didn't mean it", Timmy said, hanging his head. "My bad..."

But Tommy just glowered at him coldly, then turned on his heel and walked away without a word. He couldn't forgive his so-called friend for disrespecting his mum that way.

Their friendship was over. The elastic song had stretched the bond between them until it finally broke. Timmy realised too late that he'd gone way too far this time. Maybe he could get Tommy back someday, but for now, his angry words had made things between them go elastic - and snapped them straight in half.

THE END.

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